the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
