Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
