Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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