No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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