Your tits are I can't wait for
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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