3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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