i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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