I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
