just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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