It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize