you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
