I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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