i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
