Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize