I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
