Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
