I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
