guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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