just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
