It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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