I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
