I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
as a side note pls kill me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
