everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I love having hate sex.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
