Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
