you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
