Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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