It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
