Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize