she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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