I wish I could teleport
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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