Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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