He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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