we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
