dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize