Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
