Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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