but the lizard people decide everything anyway
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
