This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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