I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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