bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
