My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
