Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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