just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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