You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
