Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
