So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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