I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
