if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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