Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
