Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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