her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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