I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
