You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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