Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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