I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize