I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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