You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
