He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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