I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
