he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Randomize
