im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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