After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
