I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I would ride that face into the sunset
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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