Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So many bounce houses so little time
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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