just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
