conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
