Buhtt sex?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
