apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
