One girl and one boy is just not enough.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
