So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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