The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
