Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize