Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
