6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
