I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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