If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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