The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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