ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
