Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
