he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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