I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
