she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
