Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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