Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
