He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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