I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
