KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
