Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
