Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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