WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
