Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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