I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
