So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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