How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
