; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
