You smell like a Billy Joel song
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
