shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
