So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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