you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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