I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize