Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize