if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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