please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
