You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
