He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
