T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
