I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
