The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
