Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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