After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize