C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
