At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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