Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
