so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
